A message for Akron Alliance Fellowship Church, Akron OH, June 16, 2024.
For the “Live in Church” audio of this message, select here.
My lovely bride and I paid a visit to Asiatown in Cleveland a couple of Saturdays ago. We visited an authentic Chinese food market and a restaurant next door named Szechuan Gourmet, where we had lunch. I had never been to Asiatown before. This area used to be called “Chinatown,” but now there are restaurants and markets of the Korean variety as well as a number of Asian merchants. At Szechuan Gourmet, the food choices for lunch were incredible. My bride settled on Chicken Fried Rice while I decided to try their version of General Tso’s Chicken. If you’re not familiar with Chinese cuisine—and this stuff was the real deal—it has a very spicy seasoning. Our friends, who had eaten there before, told us that Szechuan’s idea of spicy has a little more of a kick than what you may be accustomed to, so I needed to ask that my dish be prepared as “very mild.” Now, I’m not sure if the servers, who had a slight language barrier, heard my request or not. In general, I wasn’t concerned about eating spicy Chinese food, but I know what happens when I eat any spicy food. I typically start sweating out of the top of my head, and it gravitates to my brow, and it is usually a continuous flow of perspiration while I eat my entire meal. I let everyone at the table know that this was going to happen so as to not alarm them when the waterworks started flowing.
First of all, the General Tso’s Chicken dish was absolutely delicious. Literally the best that I had ever eaten. Within a minute of taking my first bite, I started perspiring on the top of my head. We had already asked for napkins before we started, but it wasn’t long before I asked the server, “May I have more napkins, please?” Our fellow guest asked me a couple of times if I was doing OK, and I told him I was just fine. Over a 20-minute period of eating, I had gone through every one of my napkins and the second set of napkins by wiping my head and my brow, and then, to top it all off, my sinuses decided to get in on the act. I consider it rude to blow your nose while you are eating, and I tried to avoid that by using the remaining napkins to wipe my nose as I went. The other dilemma was to figure out what to do with all of my used napkins. I’m not exaggerating, but I must have used 20 to 25 napkins and balled them up. I didn’t want to leave balled-up napkins out for everyone to see, so at first I discreetly placed them next to me on the seat, and finally I decided to use my pant pocket to smash the balls of napkins away as we were finishing up our meal. Of course, there were no trash cans in sight. When all else fails, even the absurd becomes acceptable. As we were leaving the restaurant, I reminded everyone that this is what happens when I eat spicy food, and I didn’t want to be uncouth. I told the servers as I was leaving and waving my hands, “Thank you for the wonderful meal. I was exuding everywhere!” I don’t think they knew what the word “exuding” meant, but it sounds a lot better than its real meaning—oozing everywhere!1
I told this story to somewhat gross you out and tell a funny story about how there are some things in life that you just have to laugh about. In this Father’s Day message for everyone, here’s an important lesson:
Have a sense of humor. It’s a great way to demonstrate humility.
If you can make fun of yourself, it’s great because it shows that you are not taking life too seriously. It also sets a wonderful example before others.
When times get tough, don’t forget about laughter. Proverbs 17:22a says that “A joyful heart is good medicine.” Have you ever heard someone who has a distinctive, infectious laugh? It can light up a room when it happens.
Since I brought up the word “exude,” I’m passing on to you this advice—let the love of God exude from your very being. Let His essence ooze from you on a daily basis—wherever you go!
2 Corinthians 4:5-6 NIV
5 For what we preach is not ourselves, but Jesus Christ as Lord, and ourselves as your servants for Jesus’ sake. 6 For God, who said, “Let light shine out of darkness,” made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of God’s glory displayed in the face of Christ.
We are to proclaim the love of Christ in everything that we do. I don’t think we can say that enough these days. We need reminders of how much God, our eternal, ever-present God loves us in spite of who we are. The work of Jesus Christ on the cross is evidence of His faithful love for us. It should not only make you smile, but it should make you rejoice with gladness, and even laugh with pleasure when you fully grasp the magnanimous love and grace of Jesus.
Yes, this is a Father’s Day message. It starts with Jesus, of course, and it ends with Jesus. (Ha! The Alpha and the Omega!) Our heavenly Father has a unique relationship with the Son, and they work together in commonality according to the will of God. All of us as earthly fathers and grandfathers are to emulate Jesus in our words and actions of obedience. It presents the best representation of what it means to be a humble man before God.
A godly man has tremendous influence on those who are a part of his life. The Holy Spirit sees to it!
Proverbs 20:7 ESV
The righteous who walks in his integrity— blessed are his children after him!
Proverbs 23:24 ESV
The father of the righteous will greatly rejoice; he who fathers a wise son will be glad in him.
Proverbs 14:26 ESV
In the fear of the Lord one has strong confidence, and his children will have a refuge.
All of these things apply to fathers and their offspring. But it’s also important to acknowledge the importance of fathers to their spouses. Just as Christ loves the church, so should the man also love his wife. And make sure that everyone sees it, including the kids and others everywhere you go. (Nothing that involves intense PDA, of course. Just be cool about it, OK?)
Ephesians 5:28-29 NLT
28 In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself. 29 No one hates his own body but feeds and cares for it, just as Christ cares for the church.
1 Peter 3:7 NIV
Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.
It’s not politically correct these days to use terminology of a woman as the “weaker partner.” But let’s look at this in a way that will hopefully speak for itself. In a single parent household, mothers are not to become fathers, and fathers are not to become mothers. Men and women, in the simplest terms, are wired differently. A study on male and female brains in a 2019 Psychology Today article confirms this. In fact, there have been many studies over the years that provide the same conclusions. Men and women have different strengths, and neither is better than the other, but each is better, on average, in certain areas. Men are better at performing single tasks, while women are better at multi-tasking. Men and women react differently from an emotional perspective, and that, researchers argue, may also have to do with how their brains are wired. The female brain has greater blood flow in the part of the brain that is involved in processing emotions, resulting in more intense emotional reactions and stronger emotional memories.2
All of this means that the best scenario for raising children is the healthy balance of a loving husband and nurturing wife as parents, but even when there is only one parent, just be who you are and call on Jesus as you strive to bring your child up with godly wisdom and knowledge. When it comes to my Florida family, my dad has stepped in and became the father figure of my 4-year old nephew. Every bit of a godly fatherly influence makes a big difference in bringing up children the right way.
Proverbs 22:6 NIV
Start children off on the way they should go,
and even when they are old they will not turn from it.
God will enable the prayerful father with wisdom and knowledge that he can readily pass on to the children. He wants to see you be successful. The children will benefit from it.
Proverbs 4:11-12 NLT
11 I will teach you wisdom’s ways
and lead you in straight paths.
12 When you walk, you won’t be held back;
when you run, you won’t stumble.
A father performs as a humble servant of Christ, and the mother is best able to fulfill her role as a nurturer and helper for her husband and their children, but the totality of a loving family begins with dad.
Dad sets the tone for the entire household as he lives as a servant for Jesus. Dad must be the leader of the household. In his leadership, he will show the members of the household how to follow the leanings of the Holy Spirit as decisions are being made. I’m identifying three areas, all beginning with the letter “D” for Dad, where a fathers can excel in his role. Dad must take heed of these three Ds:
1. Discipline
This is a two-part section because discipline involves how to manage children, but it also involves living as an example before others and taking personal responsibility.
First, a father has to be the one most responsible for discipline within the family. He needs to be the one who leads the charge with correction. There’s a reason why the next verse is there for adults and children alike to see:
Proverbs 13:24 ESV
Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him.
Notice the words love and hate. If we love our children and want to keep them safe, they will need our correction. Loving your children means giving correction in love. I was no stranger to the belt when I was very young, and I absolutely deserved it. It changed my behavior for the better. When you’re a child, there are times when you think you’re invincible and you can get away with anything. When parents blow off discipline, Scripture implies that you don’t really care much about your children or, for that matter, being a parent. That’s a violation of God’s own principle of discipline. It’s sinful to avoid using discipline. Look at how a father’s discipline should mirror God’s view of discipline for us. He loves us and cares what happens to us.
Hebrews 12:5-11 NLT
5 And have you forgotten the encouraging words God spoke to you as his children? He said,
“My child, don’t make light of the Lord’s discipline,
and don’t give up when he corrects you.
6 For the Lord disciplines those he loves,
and he punishes each one he accepts as his child.”
7 As you endure this divine discipline, remember that God is treating you as his own children. Who ever heard of a child who is never disciplined by its father? 8 If God doesn’t discipline you as he does all of his children, it means that you are illegitimate and are not really his children at all. 9 Since we respected our earthly fathers who disciplined us, shouldn’t we submit even more to the discipline of the Father of our spirits, and live forever?
10 For our earthly fathers disciplined us for a few years, doing the best they knew how. But God’s discipline is always good for us, so that we might share in his holiness. 11 No discipline is enjoyable while it is happening—it’s painful! But afterward there will be a peaceful harvest of right living for those who are trained in this way.
Second, discipline also involves the practice of self-discipline. A father has to set the example for his wife and family by exercising self-control in behavior and conduct, and is always striving to get better every day. He gets better and better by allowing the sanctifying power of the Holy Spirit into his life and leading by example as a humble servant of Jesus Christ:
Hebrews 12:1-2 NLT
1 Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us. 2 We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus, the champion who initiates and perfects our faith.
And fathers must perfect this by staying in God’s Word on a daily basis.
Psalm 119:11 NIV
I have hidden your word in my heart that I might not sin against you.
That’s the second part of discipline…self-discipline. Because people are watching you.
2. Discretion
Discretion involves the ability to make wise and appropriate choices. It involves making good decisions and sound judgment within one’s conduct. It aligns with following God’s wisdom and understanding in accordance to His will. Discretion helps us to avoid negative consequences and maintain healthy relationships.3 A father using discretion must rely upon biblical wisdom and guidance. He needs to be in the Word every day and have an active prayer life.
Notice how these next verses express not only dealings within a family, but also within interpersonal relationships, and in matters of safety in and outside of the home.
Proverbs 2:11 NLT
Wise choices will watch over you.
Understanding will keep you safe.
Proverbs 22:3 NLT
A prudent person foresees danger and takes precautions.
The simpleton goes blindly on and suffers the consequences.
Ephesians 4:29 NLT
Don’t use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them.
3. Discernment
Discernment, according to Merriam-Webster, is the quality of being able to grasp and comprehend what is obscure.4 It is a skill. Some people have God’s gift of discernment. Others need to pray for discernment when it comes to situations or life’s circumstances. Whether gifted or not, prayer is a necessity in asking the Lord for help in this area. We need to test these matters out to ensure that we don’t choose to do something just because it seems right.
1 John 4:1 ESV
Beloved, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God, for many false prophets have gone out into the world.
Discernment requires mature thinking and regular practice.
Hebrews 5:14 ESV
But solid food is for the mature, for those who have their powers of discernment trained by constant practice to distinguish good from evil.
Discernment is all about abstaining from evil and practicing what is good. This is how fathers distinguish themselves with excellent reputations. Being blameless before others is excellent. Being blameless before Christ is outstanding and has eternal value.
Philippians 1:9-11 ESV
9 And it is my prayer that your love may abound more and more, with knowledge and all discernment, 10 so that you may approve what is excellent, and so be pure and blameless for the day of Christ, 11 filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ, to the glory and praise of God.
All three of these Ds have commonality within their meanings, but do you see how these characteristics are just as important for each one of us? Godly men and women must step up and serve Christ in the home and everywhere they go. People are longing for and looking for great examples of everything that is good. These good things must exude from us!
Matthew 5:15-16 NIV
15 Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. 16 In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.
Fathers are to be humble servants before God. All of them need our prayerful support.
Copyright © 2024 Melvin Gaines.
1 HarperCollins (Ed.). (2022). The American Heritage Dictionary Entry: Exude. American Heritage Dictionary Entry: exude. https://ahdictionary.com/word/search.html?q=exude
2 Pascale, R., & Primavera, L. (2019, April 25). Male and female brains: Are they wired differently?. Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/so-happy-together/201904/male-and-female-brains
3 Gaines, G. (2023, December 10). Understanding the Bible definition of discretion today. Biblical Definitions: Discretion. https://biblicaldefinitions.com/bible-definition-of-discretion/
4 Merriam-Webster. (n.d.). Discernment. In Merriam-Webster.com dictionary. Retrieved June 13, 2024, from https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/discernment
Melvin Gaines 