In a Ladies’ Cell Group Discussion that I will be participating in at Akron Alliance Fellowship Church on Sunday, March 21, 2010, I was asked to speak to women, specifically single mothers, about a relevant and important subject. My task will be to lead a discussion on women teaching their sons how to grow up into young men. Not just young men, but how to raise honorable, responsible and respectful young men who will, in turn, be productive role models in our society and treat women the way they should be treated.
Parenting is already a challenging and difficult task with two parents, specifically a husband and wife (yes, it bears mentioning these days). How much more difficult is the task with only one parent? Keep in mind that many mothers who are faced with the daunting task of raising their children without the presence of a father do not necessarily choose to do so on their own from the outset. While many men and women sometimes get the parenting stage out of order in a relationship, it is of the utmost importance that the man of the family provides the leadership and stability to a family unit. The man should be the one in such a relationship to show the child that he is “making the relationship right” with a marital commitment. Women have been forced to assume parental leadership roles because the men responsible for the children they brought forth are often missing in action. These men, tragically, are missing the very things that are necessary in order to raise a dynamic, young man–humility, a solid work ethic, respect for self and others, discipline, and the proper life priorities.
Young boys (and girls) often get the wrong messages from the world and from Satan himself (Revelation 12:9) about what manhood really is. Manhood is not made up of the level of sexual prowess and sexual conquests that one has. Thanks to today’s music television media and to the graphic imagery available to all of us today that are perpetrated and reinforced by many of our black entertainers, the false messages are deceptive yet prevalent and degrading. Women are shown or portrayed as readily available sex objects dressed in almost non-existent clothing while guys usually are surrounded with multiple numbers of women at the same time. Your imagination does not have to go very far with this constant barrage of imagery that does anything but uplift a woman and reflect a true man. These representations are irresponsible if not outright immoral. At a closer level to children are single mothers who are searching for a man in their life in less than wholesome and honorable ways. They are unwittingly abandoning their parental duties because of all of the poor signals that are being sent to their children. Children see and hear more than we realize. We need to make sure that we are giving them the proper signals in a healthy family relationship.
It is understandable if a single mother is feeling unworthy and lacks self-esteem due to the circumstances surrounding how she arrived in her present situation, especially when she has a child outside of wedlock. While society today is more forgiving of a woman in this situation, she does not get a free pass. There is no time, however, for her to feel sorry for herself, especially since her child need her to be a positive influence as well as a loving parent. A single mother draws her worthiness and self-esteem from the presence of the Holy Spirit with a solid, loving relationship with God through Jesus Christ. Ladies, please note that your self worth does NOT come from a man in your life. It starts with Christ and your trust in Him in your life. Start with Jesus Christ and He will add all things to you (Matthew 6:33, Luke 12:31), including the ability to give you strength and guide you in raising your boys to be great, young men (Philippians 4:13).
Copyright © Melvin Gaines. All rights reserved.